For Once In My Life
by Girl With The Dandelion
Summary: For once in my life, I have someone who needs me. Someone I've needed so long.


It was a strange feeling, grappling back and forth between crippling fear and unparalleled joy. It had been the same ongoing battle with my emotions in the morning for the last four months. By the time I'd get myself out of bed, I'd always settle on the joy. Today though, I'd yet to get out of bed.

"What's on your mind?"

I took a shaky breath. "The world; how fragile it all is. You know, the light stuff."

I felt Peter's breath on my neck as he maneuvered his way back into bed with me.

"Oh, the light stuff. I'd hate to know what the heavy stuff is." I grinned as he wrapped his arms around me. "Let's start with breakfast. It's pretty heavy on my mind right now."

He chuckled into my hair and the sensation of his warm breath sent a shiver down my spine.

"Breakfast, huh? How about I whip us up two bowls of Lucky Charms? Today's kind of grocery day so we're down to the bare minimum."

I stared at the window as the clouds shifted across the sun, darkening the room. "Sugary goodness sounds perfect."

Peter moved my hair so that he could place a feather light kiss to my naked shoulder. "I'll be right back."

I murmured, "I'll be waiting."

Soon enough, he was back with the cereal as promised. "Are you afraid at all?"

A mouth full of marshmallow and whole grain, Peter asked, "Afraid of what?"

I set my bowl on the nightstand. "This," I said, placing my hands on my stomach. He placed his hand over mine and shook his head. "Not at all." I raised an eyebrow and he chuckled. "Alright I lied. I'm terrified."

I smiled "Glad to know I'm not alone." Finishing up my breakfast, Peter removed both of our bowls and came back. Kneeling beside me on the floor, he brought my hand to his lips. "Let's be terrified together, okay?" I leaned into his touch as his hand drifted to my cheek.

"I'll do my best." He closed his eyes and exhaled. "That's all I ask." I ran my fingers through his hair and finally stretched my legs. Pulling on my robe, I approached Peter who now stood by the window one arm against the pane. This time it was my lips to meet his shoulder.

"I'm going to take a bath, and then you and I are going to take this rare day off and we are going to do something normal couples do."

He gave me his trademark grin. "Regular couples?"

"Mm hmm. Regular. We can go on a walk, or maybe a picnic in the park? Regular things for wannabe regular people."

His fingertips brushed along my arm. His touch was like a drug, especially in the morning. Resisting the urge to climb back into bed and pulling my very handsome partner along with me, I began to back away. The moan Peter made did not help my resolve. I shook my head.

"Bath and then normalcy, alright?"

He threw himself back into bed, facedown in the sheets. "Fine," he grumbled. "You're quite the drama queen," I called out as I walked into the bathroom. Piling my hair on top of my head, I felt my muscles begin to relax while the bath water began to steam up the room. Adding a significant amount of bubble bath, I climbed in while the tub began to fill. Unwinding, I let my hair fall, the ends dipping in the water. Shutting off the faucet, I relaxed into the heat. I loved this feeling. For a brief moment every ache and discomfort ebbed away. I cupped my hands together and dipped them into the bath water, pouring it over my chest. It wasn't until I saw the small ripples in the water that I realized I was crying.

Buried up to my neck in bubbles, I let the tears fall. I wasn't sad or angry; I was worried. What kind of world am I bringing my child into? Only a few months ago I'd been attempted to use a weapon for the destruction of our world; not to mention that the end result was my death. This once stable world I belonged to had become so fragile. I have been stolen and used and tortured and lost and even killed.

Peter, my tether to this crumbling universe has been through just as much. My own mind, this photographic anomaly, this supposedly uniquely capable mind, had its own strength called into question when it allowed Peter to be erased. How is it with all of these mental enhancements I wasn't able to hold onto him from the beginning? Time can be rewritten and even _my_ memories are up for grabs. Could that happen to my own child? With being erased as a possible threat now, was my child's wellbeing on the line? Could the baby lose us to some scientific impossibility? Or worse, could we lose the baby?

I swiped at my eyes when Peter knocked on the door.

"Liv?" The concern in his voice brought a sad smile to my face.

"Come in."

I must have done a sorry job wiping the tears away because the concern on his face only grew.

"Olivia, you've been crying?"

There was no sense in trying to cover it up. "Maybe a little. It's the hormones." Not entirely a lie. It really was due to the hormones. I think.

"Please talk to me," he whispered. I wiped my eyes as more tears fell and chuckled darkly. "This is just crazy."

Peter sat behind me, his hands meeting my shoulders. Gently, he began to rub away the tension. He'd perfected his massage since his burrowing days. I relaxed into his touch, my head resting on his knee. He kissed the top of my head. "Talk to me," he asked again. I sniffled.

"I'm just worried. About everything it seems. Big things and small things. Cortexiphan, timelines, fringe cases, and then the normal things. Will the baby be healthy? Happy? Safe? Some days its all overwhelming."

Peter let out a breath. "Alright I have a new game."

"Oh really?"

"Yes I do. You trade me a worry for a moment."

"And what exactly do you mean by that?"

He continued his massage, working his way over to the base of my neck.

"We'll start with the small ones. You tell me a worry, something about our new future that scares you, and I will give you a moment to look forward to. Something to chase away the trouble."

I turned my head to kiss his thigh through his jeans and hummed. "That sounds nice."

"Good. Now give me a worry. Remember, a small one first."

I brought my knees to my chest, pulling bubbles along with them. "Cortexiphan."

Peter laughed. "That's a small worry?"

I shrugged. "Well, Walter says it's all gone, and that it wouldn't have effected the baby, but I died. Peter, I died. While I was pregnant. How could something that repaired brain damage and brought me back from the dead not effect the baby?"

I could feel him tense at my words.

"I think we'll just have to trust Walter. If he says it wouldn't have harmed the baby, we'll have to take his word on it. He would know better than anyone else."

"Alright, now give me a moment."

"Mmm, the baby's first kick."

I closed my eyes and smiled. "The doctor said any day now." I instinctively put my hands over my stomach.

"Your turn," he said.

"A small one? Will the baby be safe? Look at our jobs. With everyday bringing some new nightmare into our reality, what are we supposed to do? I've died, and you've been erased. What if that happens again? What if some terrible chain of events causes you to disappear again? Or me? Or anyone integral to the existence of our child? What if-," Peter interrupted me.

"Liv, Liv it's alright. A, I said one worry, not a million. And b, I am never going near that ridiculous machine again, alright? I am glued to this universe forever and so is our child. We are cemented here because of you, okay? You keep me possible; our future, bright and irrevocable."

I kissed his palm. "That was a good one."

He chuckled. "I thought so."

"Alright my turn. William Bell."

Peter's pulse quickened under my hands.

"That bastards not getting anywhere near our family. He has no use for either of us. Not anymore-," I cut him off this time.

"Hey, where's my moment?"

"Ahh, not helping with the worry so much am I?"

I shook my head. "No, not really."

He grinned. "Okay, a moment."

"Technically, I get two. There was no moment the last time either."

"Alright, alright. Two moments. The baby's first smile. And it's first laugh."

I could picture it now. A blissful family of three laughing and smiling; happy. I really could picture it. I reached for my towel and Peter got up to hand it to me. By this point the water had grown cold, the air leaving goose bumps along my exposed skin. Wrapping the towel along my body, I encircled my arms around Peter.

"I worry about the other side. I know our ties are cut, but if they're ever rebound, I worry what kind of an impact it could have on us. On the baby."

"I see your worry and I raise you finding out what we're having. And naming the baby, and raising the baby and all of the crazy things we'll get to do. Picnics and parties. Disney and taking picture with the characters."

I laughed. "Waiting hours for that one moment where our baby meets their hero," I continued on.

"For all those worries, think of all the magic."

By now we'd reentered the bedroom. On our days off, I liked to dress a little more comfortably. I pilled on a pair of jeans and a navy tee shirt.

"Since when do scientists believe in magic?"

"The moment you told me you were pregnant I was a fixed believer."

I kissed his cheek, my lips brushing against his unshaved face. "That was very sweet."

He wrapped his arms around my waist. "Also a hundred percent true."

I reluctantly pulled myself away when the house phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hello, is Ms. Dunham available?"

"Yes, this is she."

"Oh, Ms. Dunham, this is Doctor Landry's office calling. We have here that you're down for an appointment next week for an ultra sound and the sex of your baby? We've had a cancellation today and you're at the top of the list to call. Would you be interested in coming in today at noon?"

"Absolutely! Thank you for the call!"

"My pleasure. We'll see you soon."

Once I hung up the phone, I relayed the message to Peter. As expected he was just as ecstatic as me. On the car ride over, I began to feel nauseous. So far I'd completely breezed over morning sickness; this was nerves.

"I'm nervous Peter. I'm actually nervous.

He chuckled from the drivers seat. "So am I."

I couldn't help my smile. I reached over and grabbed Peter's hand where it rested on the gear shift.

"So, any ideas for a name?"

I took a deep breath. I had a name I was pretty dead set on, but Peter didn't know that. Or why it was so important to me for that matter.

"Before I tell you the name, I want to tell you why."

He raised an eyebrow. "Yeah? Go for it."

"When I was on the other side, there was a man I took hostage."

Peter tensed under my touch again. Whenever we talked about my time on the in the other universe, Peter had a difficult time swallowing it.

"Hostage, huh." I nodded.

"Hostage. He was a cab driver. And despite the fact that I threatened his life and his family, he helped me. He even believed me. When I finally did escape it was through him. Both times he helped. The second time was willingly. Even the first time was in the end. His name is Henry, and I was hoping if we have a boy we could name him Henry. Or, if it's a girl, Henrietta."

I carefully watched Peter's face during my story. I waited to see even the slightest hint of dislike, but his eyes crinkled while he beamed.

"I love it. Henry or Henrietta. I like them both."

I moved my hands over my stomach. "Henry or Henrietta."

* * *

Upon arrival at the doctors office, the nerves were turning my stomach in ever nauseating direction.

"Olivia Dunham?"

I grabbed Peter's hand as we followed the nurse back. The next fifteen minutes waiting for the technician were agonizing. When she finally did arrive, Peter's knuckles were white. I loosened my grip and he laughed under my breath.

"I was wondering if I'd ever be able to feel my hand again."

I rolled my eyes and flinched when the gel touched my stomach. The babies heartbeat echoed in the otherwise silent room. I watched the monitor as the baby came into focus.

"So, have the two of you decided on any names?"

I nodded and Peter answered her. "Henry for a boy or Henrietta if it's a girl."

The tech smiled. "Well, you have a very healthy little Henrietta."

My eyes widened and my cheeks stretched as far as they could. "A girl? We're having a girl?"

"We're having a girl," Peter repeated. I blinked back the tears as he leaned over and kissed me. "I love you so much sweetheart."

"I love you too. We're having a girl!"

* * *

Once we got back home, I began to make all the phone calls. I called my sister and then Walter who was at the lab with Astrid. I assume he'd relay the message. When I dialed Nina's phone number, I heard Peter come into the kitchen. As the line started to ring, I turned to ask him what he wanted for lunch.

"Hello? Olivia?"

"Nina? I'm going to have to call you back," I whispered. Peter was in the kitchen, on one knee, holding a little black box. I placed the phone on the counter.

"Olivia, I bought this ring the day I went into the machine. And then I rebought it the night I learned I was really home. I have wanted to give this to you for so long; just to _be_ with you for so long. This is it Olivia. This is our life. _Our_ life. We worked so hard for this and there isn't a single day of the future that I can picture without you in it. Waking up next to you every morning is a gift I never expected and sure as hell never deserved. All I want is to wake up next to you as my wife, while we raise our daughter. You and I are having a daughter. A baby girl. Everything we've been through has led us here. To our lives and to our child. Will you marry me, Olivia?"

I knelt down across from him on the tiled floor. "Absolutely."

* * *

We had a small ceremony with the justice of the peace. Walter, Astrid, and Nina were with us. My sister couldn't make it, and Broyles had a case. Even with some loved ones missing, it still felt perfect. I wore a simple white dress, and Peter looked handsome in his suit. We opted out of a honeymoon. We were granted a week off from the bureau, so that was nice. Except when I can't work I tend to go a little stir crazy. One morning, I woke up before Peter and just cleaned. I cleaned everything. The living room, our room, the bathroom. It wasn't until I was washing the dishes that Peter finally woke up.

"What are you humming?"

"I was humming?"

He nodded and kissed me on the cheek. "Good morning, by the way."

One hand on my stomach, I kissed his cheek back. "Good morning husband."

"That's a sound I'll never get tired of. Same goes for the humming."

I shrugged. "Honestly, I don't remember."

Peter put some toast in the toaster and I turned back to the dishes. A few minutes went by when I realized I was humming again. For the next five months, it was a song I constantly hummed. Once Etta was born, I started to sing out loud to her. Late at night, when she was fussy and wide awake, I'd sit in her nursery, the one Peter and I had dreamed of so long ago, and I would rock her to sleep in my arms and just sing.

"For once in my life, I have someone who needs me. Someone I've needed so long."

I sang it slow and barely above a whisper. "For once, unafraid, I can go where life leads me. And somehow I'll know I'll be strong." Etta balled her little hands into fists and yawned. I kissed the top of her head and held her close.

"For once in my life, I won't let sorrow hurt me. Not like it's hurt me before. For once I have something I know won't desert me. I'm not alone anymore."

Peter pushed open the door slowly, and I set Etta down into her crib. We both stood over her, just watching her sleep. Our perfect miracle. Our baby girl. Our Etta.

"You think tomorrow we should finally have that picnic?"

I chuckled. "It's not like she's going to enjoy it, Peter."

"I don't care. I want to take my wife and daughter to the park."

"Alright. Let's go to the park. I can bring a book."

"Let's make it a tradition. Every month, we'll take her on a picnic lunch. Just the three of us."

I hummed against his kiss. "Just the three of us. Our family."

**Author's Note: **As I wrote the ending, I was saying to myself NO DON'T GO TO THE MONTHLY PICNICS BAD IDEA PETER GOD YOU'RE SO DUMB WITH YOUR IDEAS and then had to calm myself seeing as how this isn't canon and it's my writing. I may or may not be too emotionally invested in these characters...ANYWHO lemme know your thoughts so that I can be at peace knowing this story even inspired a thought process.

Also, as a side note thing here, I loved Olivia's version of For Once In My Life from Brown Betty, and I thought somewhere along the line maybe Walter sang his version and maybe got it stuck in Olivia. Or maybe on some cosmic level, it's just apart of her, even in a story told by a high senior citizen.


End file.
